Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
