Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
