you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize