NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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