If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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