Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
