When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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