No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
