i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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