What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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