Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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