I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think your dad took our porno
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
