i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
