he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
