marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
