apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
