i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
