just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize