So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
