The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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