Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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