Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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