It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
