Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
