What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
