I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
