dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
