I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
