Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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