No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
