Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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