Tell her she can't have a vagina
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
