I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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