Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I touched a dick in church today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
