Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
