The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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