I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
