I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize