I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
