So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
