tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
