She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize