Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend