I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.