Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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