god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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