didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
