my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
