MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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