I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
