Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
