please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
