you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
