It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
