HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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