well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
