I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
