I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
