y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
