How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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