tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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