White coat. Heels.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
