You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
