The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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