She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
